Noah's Ark.

"Noah's Ark is described in the Bible as a massive wooden vessel built by Noah under God's instruction to preserve human and animal life during a worldwide flood. According to the story in Genesis chapters 6 to 9, Noah's Ark carried Noah, his family, and representatives of every kind of land-dependent, air-breathing animal, ensuring their survival while the rest of the world was flooded. The narrative serves as a powerful reminder of God's justice and His plan of salvation."

Okay, so God the Father invites God the Son and the Holy Spirit to sit on a chair around a table. Obviously they all sit on the same chair because they are three entities in one god. 

God the Father: I'm very displeased with the behaviour of these humans I made.

The Holy Spirit: What's the best way to teach them good behaviour?

God the Son: Could we set up special schools and make it compulsory to attend?

God the Father: No, I'll just wipe them all out. Bastards!

[both God the Son and the Holy Spirit look surprised.]

God the Father: Here's the plan. I've come across one guy who I really like. His name is Noah. I'll save him and his family so that we can start again. I'm going to get him to build a big floating device, like a ship, that can carry lots of stuff. I want to save all the species of animals, elephants, tigers, slugs, spiders. The lot.

God the Son: Elephants could be tricky. They're big and live quite far away.

God the Father: I only intend to save two. A male and a female. They can breed once it's all done. I'll use my special powers to get them there.

The Holy Spirit: What about animals in far, far away places? I'm thinking wombats and kiwi. 

God the Father:  We can do without them for now. I'll make some more later. Look, we get two of each of the important animals, Noah builds this big floating thing - his family can help, we get the animals on board, then I flood the whole bloody planet. We get rid of all the shit. 

God the Son: How do we stop the animals from eating each other?

God the Father: Again I'll use my godly powers.

The Holy Spirit: Why don't you use your godly powers to get the humans back in line?

God the Father: Shut up, I'll do this my way!

Let's think back to Adam and Eve for a bit. Eve breaks the rules by biting a sacred apple (forbidden fruit). God gives EVERYONE, the vast majority are not even born yet, Original Sin. They're born with it. How was that fair?

"Hey Adam, what's this
funny thing on my tummy for?"
"Look what I did. You can't see my
cock now. Hey, don't bite that!"

Then, when he decides to give us a way to be saved, he does it by having God the Son nailed up to a cross. Hey, there must have been an easier way available, like how he got those elephants to the ark.

This information about the flood is evidently in the Old Testament. People have told me that God the Father lightens up a bit in the New Testament. I'd better read some more of the Bible before I consider baptism. Hey, there's evidently no way back after that.

* * *

Genesis 6:9 Context

6  And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. 

7  And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them. 

8  But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD. 

9  These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God. 

10  And Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth. 

11  The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence. 

12  And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.

Catholics and marriage.

 

Okay, as you know, I'm a plumber who is thinking of becoming a Catholic. A Catholic guy, Robert, whom I admire is a bit scathing about his own Catholic congregation and their attitudes towards marriage. The two things we all probably know is that Catholics are supposed to marry other Catholics (of the opposite sex), divorce is not on the agenda and sex is not permitted before marriage. I'm clear on that last one because, so far, I have been unable to get a girlfriend. 

I've heard of unmarried priests and Marist brothers doing bad sexual things. Would they be better off if they could get married? Though it does look like a lot of the offenders have a liking for the same sex. I don't know what the church is doing about trying to fix that one.

Okay, so two Catholics get married and they have children. The children get baptised but have no say in the matter. There they are - stuck as Catholics. No choice is available for them. Maybe baptism should happen a bit later in life? Well, I suppose the present system guarantees plenty of Catholics.

Back to marriage.

What happens when two married Catholics are not getting on? The humane thing is to break up and I'm sure it happens. What if they find someone else? I guess they could just be very good friends. Friends who cuddle a bit, if you get my drift. Still, I suppose that, in the eyes of the church, that's cheating. Remember, what the church says is not thrown on the table to be questioned.

What about gay people? The church certainly won't let them get married. Does the church think that they choose to be gay? I've known enough gay people to know that just isn't so. 

What about someone who, say, gets married in a Methodist church and then decides to become a Catholic. Does that marriage count? Is it transferable? I strongly doubt it. Or maybe they can get a special certificate like when you want to drive a car overseas? 

I did some research. Evidently getting baptised will make a marriage that happened in another religion okay. There you go.

I think I've covered the main points. Hopefully Robert will have a read and put me right if I've drifted from the truth.

Happy Monday to you all. Richard, good luck with your plumber and your toilet today.

The Rosary.

 Okay, I've been asked to do a post on the Rosary by Robert. I'm honoured!

Firstly, let me say that the Rosary has nothing to do with where you keep or can buy roses. I thought of Geon when I made up that joke!

Okay, let's be serious, we're talking about these.

Rosary Beads.

1) Make the Sign of the Cross.
2) Say the Apostles' Creed.
3) On the first bead, say an Our Father.
4) Say one Hail Mary on each of the next three beads.
5) Meditate on the mysteries of Jesus' life while praying five decades of Hail Marys.
6) End with the Glory Be.

Gosh, I didn't know that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit or that He spent some time in Hell. See how I always use a capital (eg. He) when one part of God is mentioned. That's thoroughness for you!

Good that Mary gets a mention too. Though the first part reads like the Father is the number one god.

"I believe in God, the Father almighty. Creator of Heaven and Earth. Oh, and there are those other two, Jesus and the Holy Spirit."

Okay, onto the first Our Father. I had a vulgar friend who used to say, "Our Farther who farts in Heaven." I'm sure that you can all say the Our Father properly without being vulgar. I certainly hope so.

Then you simply follow around the beads. You end with a Glory Be. By the way, it's also known as the Doxology.

Glory be to the Father,

And to the Son,

And to the Holy Spirit,

As it was in the beginning,

Is now,

And ever shall be,

World without end.

Amen.

Yes, it looks like the Father certainly is the boss of the other two parts of himself. Why didn't they just have three gods? With the Father god in charge, of course. God the Father could have said, "Look guys, if we do this thing with three gods, it'll make things easier for those humans I'm making to understand. I might leave loading them all up with Original Sin too. Son, that would save you having to die on that cross, and you wouldn't have to visit Hell. It really is a hell of a place to spend time in! In fact, I'm thinking of getting rid of Hell, but I'll keep Purgatory for the time being. Come on, they're just humans. We can sort them out."

"The Holy Rosary - The powerful prayer to Our Lady.

The Holy Rosary is considered a perfect prayer because within it lies the awesome story of our salvation. With the Rosary, in fact, we meditate the mysteries of joy, of sorrow, of glory and of light of Jesus and Mary."

I know that when Robert says the Rosary, he's praying to the Virgin Mary, mother of one of the three parts of God. Jesus Christ was solely His name before it became a swear word. Geon likes to disguise that swear word as, "Sheesh!"

So, it looks like the Rosary gives you a pretty direct link through to Mary. I suppose that, whether she listens or not, is up to her.

"Bloody Rosary prayers! Come on guys,
give me a break, I'm trying to cook tea for
God's second part, my son who I conceived 
with the Holy Spirit!"

Catholics: What do they believe in?

 

Here are some fundamental principles that Catholics follow:

1) Belief in the Holy Trinity.

One person (a god) is actually three entities. Father, son and holy spirit. That's a tough one to work out. Why can't there just be three gods? I asked a priest this question and he just said that some things are beyond the comprehension of us humans. Also, if the three entities have always been around, how come one of them is the son of another one? Maybe it's just a translation mistake, or something. Maybe it would be better if they were just called One, Two and Three. though I guess that suggests a hierarchy of 'command'.

2) Faith in the incarnation.

"In Christian theology, the incarnation is the belief that the pre-existent divine person of Jesus Christ, God the Son, the second person of the Trinity, and the Logos (Koine Greek for 'word'), was "made flesh" by being conceived through the power of the Holy Spirit in the womb of a woman, the Virgin Mary." I copied that. Well, we have it on good authority that no bonking took place. Hey, and Joseph was in no way involved. Jesus was becoming man (on a temporary basis) to save us all from sin. I think God the Father created Original Sin when that woman Eve ate forbidden fruit. It's probably a good idea for all of us to stay away from apples. Just in case. I wonder why God the Father just couldn't cancel His original sin idea. That would have saved Jesus needing to be nailed to a cross. I'm assuming that being nailed to a cross hurt.

3) The Authority of the Church.

That just means that the church is the boss, and you can't really argue with it.

4) The Sacraments.

There are seven of these:

Baptism, Eucharist, Confirmation, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, Marriage & Ordination.

I'm still working my way through these, though some are more obvious than others. To be a Catholic, for example, you have to be baptised. Once this is done, whether you asked for it or not, you're in. I don't know how you get out if you change your mind or were too young to object in the first place. I know that, after marriage, you're allowed to have sex. The Eucharist is where that transubstantiation thing comes in. You evidently receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ. For whatever reason.

5) The Eucharist.

I don't know why this one gets mentioned twice. I think we've already covered it.

6) The Virgin Mary and the Saints.

I do feel sorry for all the other women who didn't get to have a virgin birth. Though maybe a lot of them enjoyed the bonking bit. Mary missed out on that. Saints are basically people who got their shit together on a certain level. A lot of them got killed for it. I don't think I want to be a saint. I'll stick with plumbing.

7) Belief in the Aftetlife.

An eternity in Heaven for some. However, there is also Purgatory and Hell. If you go to Hell, you're stuffed for eternity. Hence the saying, "Have fun boys, but don't sin."

8) The Role of Good Works.

This one seems a bit unspecific. I'm sure atheists do good works just because they want to help people. Do Catholics do good works to build up their chances of getting into Heaven? I imagine it would be hard to shake off that self-serving consideration. Does this mean that atheists are basically better and more caring people? I don't know.

Could there not have been a way for an all seeing
god to avoid this solution?

Well, there you go. That's me looking into the Catholic deal for today. It's Sunday but, because I'm not yet baptised, I don't have to go to Mass. AND no plumbing today. Ah, life is good!

Understanding the 'Hail Mary'.

Hail Mary, full of grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art Thou amongst women and

Blessed is the fruit of Thy womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, mother of God,

Pray for us sinners now and

At the hour of our death.

Amen. 

People often get confused about the fourth line. It's talking about Mary's womb and not that of Jesus. Jesus does not have a womb. If it did mean that the womb belonged to Jesus, it would have a comma, "Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." Jesus was conceived by an immaculate conception. 

Okay, this also makes the fifth line a bit confusing too. "Holy Mary, mother of God." It's talking about the Jesus part of God, not the father part, the guy who made her pregnant. Remember that God is like three people all rolled into one. 

Sort of like this, but I'm not sure 
if the Holy Spirit is a lady or a man.

Also, it's not saying that Jesus is a fruit, that's just there for imagery. If it was talking about a fruit, I'm sure that it would be more specific. "Blessed is the banana of thy womb Jesus."

Also note that 'grace' does not have a capital letter, so it's not talking about another woman.

Immaculate conceptions don't happen much. In fact, there is only one on record. Why didn't God the father just do the job himself? Simple, Mary was on Earth and God was in Heaven. You can see that it was a little bit inconvenient. Fortunately, God had another method. It was good that Joseph knew to back off.

See how these prayers really make sense, once you analyze them? That's where atheists get it wrong. They dive in without thinking.

I've borrowed this phrase from Robert (a blogger and Catholic), "Have fun boys, but don't sin."

Trainsubstation.

 I hope I've got this right, but evidently when you receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ at a Catholic mass, it's called Trainsubstation. I don't know why the process is compared to a train.

Oops, silly me, I've just done some research online. It should be transubstantiation. What a big word! I've been reading the Catholic Catechism too. Nothing to do with cats.

This is a summary of the church's doctrine. Today I'm going to get some rosary beads. It is supposed to be good to pray to the mother of God. I'm also thinking of getting baptized. I'll give it a few weeks because things are pretty busy at work. There seem to be a lot of toilets breaking down. I wonder what toilets were like in the time of Jesus. They probably didn't flush. Maybe you just went in a river and hoped that no one was drinking the water downstream. 

I'm going over to reread Geon's posts soon. Just to pick up a few hints on what to write about. Gosh, he's a funny guy! It was a bit naughty though when he commented as different people. I don't think that Richard of Richard's Bass Bag was very impressed by that. Well, it was at least a Venial Sin. I wonder why Geon doesn't believe in God? He evidently went to a Catholic school. He was in a class called 3P - Richard mentions it quite a bit. I'm assuming that 3A was the smartest class, then 3B. Richard was evidently in 3G, so he's quite a bit smarter than Geon. Still, Geon does do good jokes.

I'd better go and read my Bible, then it's time to go and unblock some toilets. What on earth are people putting down their toilets?

See you later.

Hi all.

 My name is Rick Tim Bagno. I'm starting this blog because I've come across a little blogging community that I would like to be part of. I'm a plumber by trade and I live in Auckland.

This is just a short introduction to get things going.